Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
