Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Less talking, more tequila
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
