my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
