I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
