I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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