when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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