If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
