Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
