im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
