where am i from again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
