so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
