Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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