He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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