There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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