every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
