Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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