Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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