hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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