A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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