5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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