Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
