We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
