Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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