I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Let's paint friendship bongs
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
