she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
well you can't waste a boner
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
