I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
