You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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