The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
