how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Im part way to drunk.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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