Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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