I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
