i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There r osticjed everywhere
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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