awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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