I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
