Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
