where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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