I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
