i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
