We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize