Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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