After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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