oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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