hell yes lets make some ravioli
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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