Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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