So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
