apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
