my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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