Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
