you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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