If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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