so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
