Buhtt sex?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
