my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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