Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
