I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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