My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
false alarm, still single
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
