i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize