Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
