Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
