If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
