I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize