HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
