it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
