my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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