Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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