Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just invented taco cereal.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
