it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
