just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize