This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
