I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
