I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
