dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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