Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
